you’ll know

when you wake up in the morning and the headache is gone
when you feel your trousers are too tight to fit in
when you opt for water instead of beer to cure the thirst
when you let your windows open
when you feel light
when you enjoy watching films alone
when you click on Henry Mancini and let him be
when you forgive
when you apologise
when you still feel angry afterwards
when you bounce back to letting them go
and when you have let them go

you’ll know

without any words
without those goddamn clarity
without hitting the right timing
without being told to
without efforts
without clues
without dreams
without signs

because

you already know.

(suatu hari di Jakarta, Agustus 2009)