“I Lived.”

“Nasib orang siapa yang tau? Kalau nanti kenapa-napa, memang sudah kehendak Tuhan kan?”

When I found out there was another bomb in Surabaya, I called my uncle. That was his response when I told him I worry.

Since yesterday, we have been confronted with the worse of humanity – people that think that they have the right to take lives based on their own judgement exists; and they are unfortunately thriving right under everyone’s nose. Silently. Stealthily. And then tragedy came out of nowhere when they decided to take matters into their own hand and exercise their own judgement towards the unassuming lives that are just going through the motion of life.

As a citizen of the country that has been victimized, I am left speechless. Anger, sadness, confusion, fear, frustration and helplessness all mixed into something that I am unable to express clearly. I found myself calling people that I am closed to and I hold dear. And when the line connects, I cannot even bring myself to say anything apart from the “hello” and “where are you?”

I thought about how do I, powerless and helpless as I am to do something that is immediate and tangible, responds to the fact that lives were lost – not naturally but in such a forced manner. And then, my uncle’s respond came along.

We have no control – who lives, who dies, who tells our story.

So what do I do with that knowledge? What’s my immediate respond?

I can only come up with clichéd one-liners. I am not that smart nor am I that deep. But in reality, these words are never done in its literal manner because… it’s cliché. So at least for my own benefit, I am just gonna do exactly those. And, should in the future I am proven wrong… at least I proved to myself that those damn one-liner does not work instead of staying paralysed in the state of confusion.

As you go through your days ahead, uncertainties of life will haunt you. It has always been there – but I won’t deny that recent incidents seem to amplify it. Do your best, anyway. Push through and don’t just go through the motion.

I’ll leave you with this song from OneRepublic that inspires me to do all those one-liners from “live your life to the fullest” to saying all those unwarranted “I love you”s.

I Lived – OneRepublic

Hope when you take that jump
You don’t fear the fall.
Hope when the water rises
You built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out
It’s screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
You give it all you have

And I hope that you don’t suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes you’ll say

I did it all
I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup
Oh, oh

I wish that I could witness
All your joy
And all your pain
But until my moment comes
I’ll say

I did it all
I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived

With every broken bone
I swear I lived
With every broken bone
I swear I

I… I did it all
I… I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived

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