“The key of being succeed is to believe in yourself.”
Some people might say that I am a drama queen. Why? It is because I like to cry a lot in my room alone. I usually avoid people see me when I am crying. I have tried that one time.
I used to be a kid who does not care about people. But now, I care people a lot. I am too scared of people knowing me that I am having too much drama because the past that I have been through. And since my mom has passed away, I have got Post Traumatic Disorder. I got too much nerves facing people. I am afraid that I give too much burden for them.
I travel all around in Bandung, having chitchat with so many people, yet it does not really help to smile. I have tried this and that. I try to work in a band, still a boyfriend of mine cheated on me behind. I tried working on theatre and dance, but sometimes I wonder, “Does it help me to smile or laugh?”
Lately, one of my friend help me to join his drama with Sundanese Language. It is hard actually for me, because I am not a Sundanese. My dad comes from Berastagi. But, as an actor-wannabe, I give my best to act, so audience don’t see the real me.
I began writing since I got in my theatre. I tried to write a lot eventhough I don’t know what topic that I should write or how structure that I should use. I write my personal experience usually. And it motivates me like a lot to face people.
I like to write about people surrounding me so I could visualize something. Oh, Fyi, I am a visual learner. I like to learn visual things, such movies or read books. Well, I don’t really like read books actually, but I challenge myself to work on it. I give my best not to sleep while I am reading books. (lol).
Sometimes, I like to think alot. I like to think about something with people. And sometimes I wonder how I can rewrite or make a design for them. I wonder if I could put some colours for them so I could be satisfied.
Probably that is the way of me. Writing and make my imaginations become reality. I like it actually, but for now I like writing more and spend my time alone. I don’t have any specific reason behind, still I just do what I have to do and keep writing.
I write for myself, not for anyone. I write my experiences or story that I had in my mind. Technically, in Greeks it is called catarsis which means having emotional experiences to be out of mind, body, and soul.
Well, I like to think about my family. My dad always says, “Put your family first.” Well I care about them a lot. I love my dad very much. He is like a warrior for me. I do realize it now. He really cares about me and patient about what I am doing and what I will do in the future.
Sometimes I regret myself of hurting him in the past. I used to be that kid who likes to go everywhere I go, but not now anymore. I have to spend my time a lot with my family. Cause that is the one who can save me and protect when I am down. I should be thankful for that though.
People come and go. Sometimes, I like to sit by myself and having a coffee with a cigarette. Yes, people come and go no matter where they are. People are the creator as well. They like to make stories from their head into their mouth. And, that is the one that I should avoid.
“Believe in myself.” That is the key of getting succeed and get what I want. I should give my best and my all to not let the past happened again. This is my time to shine bright. I have been through the dark past and still looking for sunshine ahead. But now, I am not looking for now. I am looking for myself, cause by believing in myself, all dreams come true. Yes. just believe in yourself, and I still want to be shine like my brother and my dad.