When I was a kid, I always thought that I would end up living with the first person I have a crush on forever, until the end of time.
Of course, the concept of “until the end of time” at the time was thought to be that we, the two of us, would leave the world together. It never came across my mind on the possibility that one may die sooner than the other. After all, how do you explain such a system to a dreamy 7 year-old boy who is now writing this piece of words you are reading?
And speaking of dreaming, oh yes, I would take a cue from my surrounding and then would spend time daydreaming, making countless spin-offs out of those cues and clues.
For example, I was once fascinated by this watch worn by characters in Voltus that could function as telephone! Being a fan, I dragged my dad to local markets, even when we went out of town, to get me one. Hey, I had no idea who I should make a call to with the watch!
But my dad obeyed my wish. He asked around, and went to many toy stores with me to check on the availability of the watch. All the storekeepers seemed to shake heads and smile in agreement with my dad, who knew that it was impossible to meet my demand.
Looking back, this event only makes me respect him more as my dad.
My gratitude to him and my mother also sprung from how I look up to them after knowing that my mom was my dad’s first and only serious girlfriend. For mom, at least her children knew she dated a guy who became her close friend to date, but it wasn’t serious. Thus, these two people who made me who I am today were, in fact, married to the first serious date they had.
How noble, how amazing, how inspiring.
At least that’s what I had hoped my life would turn out to be: that I would spend my life together with the one I dated the first time.
I was such a naive little boy. I would have no idea how my life would turn out to be.
If you asked me how my very first dating experience was, I’d say that I do not remember how exactly it went. I vaguely remember who (totally my bad). Yet I do remember the overall time we had, which was nevertheless nice to have.
But when I realized that it would not last long, part of me was devastated, knowing that I would not be able to be walking on the same step like my parents did. I was taken aback for a while, knowing that from that point on, I would not be able to replicate what my mom and dad had.
Luckily, I found that inability liberating.
Time passes by. I continued dating, without a sign of settling down in sight. Not yet. I was lucky enough to still have a chance to meet new people, or new one-s if you say so, those who bring a little change to otherwise mundane routine.
Those who know me will nod in agreement that I’m not a serial dater who can parade a long list of dates. Yet, from the few I have been lucky to be with, I learn a great deal from them. Some mark great changes, some give me many to chuckle about. Some vanish completely, some leave indelible marks. Some go, some stay.
But someone I am yet to meet is you.
But I know we will do.
And by the time comes, here’s what I am going to say to you:
“I don’t know who you are yet, but whoever you are, I just want to state again that you are not my first date. Be it serious, or casual, or anything in between, you’re just not my first on the list.
But what is lacking on the listing, I am trying to make it up by putting you first in any way I can.
As much as desire goes, I want to greet you the first thing in the morning.
As often as we can, I want us to have the first meal of the day together.
As many times as possible, I want us to close our eyes at the end of the day with each being the first and the last on our respective mind.
When we hit off to wrong start, let’s aim for steady move in years to come.
When we feel like yapping and yelling, let’s think that we’ll be exhausted before we find each other again.
When we feel like being alone and apart, let’s believe that it’ll only strengthen us.”
And if I’d have found you then, I’ll say that when I was a kid, I always believed that someday, I’ll end up living with the person I have a crush on forever, until the end of time.
That person is you.
Posted in: @linimasa